Regrets

How many times in life have I felt regret. I’ve regretted things I bought, things I did, and places I’ve gone. I not only regret things I do, but I also regret things I’ve left undone. If only I had not opened my mouth, or if only I had not procrastinated. The older I’ve gotten, I try my hardest to live my life with no regrets, but regardless of how hard I try, it is a rare day that I don’t have more than one regret when my head hits the pillow. I remember as a child playing with a paint can lid out in the back yard; I was flying it around like a frisbee. My little brother was in his wind up swing in the back yard and my parents were outside as well. My Dad told me to stop playing with the paint can lid because I was going to hit my brother. In my rebellion, I continued to throw the lid behind his back and what do you know, I hit my brother. I will never forget that day, because I got one more whipping. Paul says in Romans 7:15-17 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me."

It seems I always say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing and go the wrong places. Hannah is always saying "I wish I could just start this day over." She will just keep digging her hole deeper–she’ll do something wrong, then lie about it, then get angry and throw a screaming fit because she got punished which only leads to more punishment. Sin just has a way of leading us down a long road. I don’t even have to try to be bad, it’s just my nature. Adam and Eve are the only ones in the world (besides Jesus) to know what it was like to live a day without regrets. They had a perfect world with no sin nature and life was grand, until the serpent tempted Eve and she gave in. Can you just imagine the regret she tasted that day. For the first time she felt shame, guilt, pain, heartbreak, and yearning. She had never felt those things before. She wanted to hide, but couldn’t escape the feelings. How many of you have hidden at home because you couldn’t bear to face someone? Have you ever walked down a different aisle at Wal-Mart because meeting that person brought memories you didn’t want to relive? Have you ever stayed home from church because you didn’t want to face God? He sees you regardless of where you are, and sadly, someday you will face him regardless of how badly you want to hide. One of my favorite sayings, which I’ve blogged about before, is "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it." God has given us the ultimate "new day" as spoken of in II Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" I can only do my best, and pray that God will take the old nasty human part and use it as best he can. At the end of the day, I’ve got to give my regrets to God and move on to another day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILL!

Will is 25 today and it's hard to believe he's a quarter of a century old. I've known Will for 17 years, and been a part of his family for 13 years. Will has had varied interests in his life and some of them were the themes for his past birthdays. He was into cowboys for a time, he was a magician, he was into the violin, and he's been into Sherlock Holmes. I've enjoyed being a part of Will's life and love to hear his laugh! That's what I miss most about him living at home--I don't get to here him laugh much anymore. Many times something funny will be on television and I will think, "Will would have laughed at that." I don't miss the fights and arguments that he and his brother were so famous for, and I'm sure they don't miss them either.

Will and Andy were probably about 11 and 12 here.

This picture was taken last October.

Precious Memories

Every year at Hannah's birthday, I think, "why did I get myself into this?" I always try to do something on her birthday and then something with kids on a more convenient day. I do it because I love her and want her day to be special. It's also an exciting occasion for me because it marks the time we've accomplished together. Some parents only have a short time with their kids, and many times after some tragedy they wonder why they didn't do more with the time they had. I know that in a flash my daughter will be gone, and I need to enjoy every moment and hold it as long as possible. I gave Hannah's two parties this year. One was just with family and the other was at church with 9 kids and their families. I didn't take any pictures of the second one because I was busy cooking the meal for 18 people and then organizing the party games afterwards. She says it was the best birthday ever--just like she says every year.

A Labor of Love

I decided I would make Hannah a special shirt for her birthday. It only took me about 2 1/2 hours of back breaking labor to do so. I only ruined two transfers and one T-shirt in the process. The look on her face when she saw it was worth the pain and effort. If you ever try to do iron-on transfers, don't read the directions. They will only confuse you. My common sense was much more help than that piece of paper!

Learning to Lean

The past few months I have had some health issues going on. I talked about it in a recent post, but I've not actually got it all resolved. I've been afraid that I'm possibly having allergic reactions to food--they do sometimes mimic the reactions of IBS. I have started having panic attacks when I've eaten something that I don't know what's in it. I have an appointment with an allergy doctor June 4 and hope to find some answers then. In everything I go through, I know there is something God wants me to learn or know in every situation or maybe he just wants me to understand others.

I have really gotten a better understanding of panic. I don't know that I had ever trully had a panic attack until recently. It can cause tingling, heart racing and trouble swallowing which just feeds on itself and causes more panic. I've done a lot of praying and begged for peace. In Phillipian 4:6 it says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." It is so hard to pray and then quit being anxious. I wish I could tell you I have a secret that can help you, but I struggle with it just like everyone else. The only thing I've found to help is to do something. If I'm at home and I can't call someone, I will listen to music, read the Bible, or watch a Gaither Music video. If it's during the day, I may call someone or just try helping someone out. All these things get your mind focused on something other than your worries.

I think about Abraham and how he must have felt when he was walking up the mountain with Isaac. Can you just imagine the butterflies he had in his stomach. Isaac probably could sense it too. Even though he was doing what God asked and he trusted in God, he still had to be a little anxious. We've all had those moments when we felt insecure and did not know what the future held, and couldn't quell that unsteady feeling in the pit of our stomach. Jesus knows your pain. He prayed in the garden three times that he not have to endure Calvary, but wanted to do the will of the Father above all. Jesus was fully man so he could feel pain, but he was also fully God so he knew before hand just how much pain and suffering he would endure. Yet His love for me was so great, that He was still willing to walk up Golgotha for me and for you. Are you thinking today that you couldn't possible walk that mountain Jesus has asked you to walk? Are you praying that God will not make you endure the hardships you see coming down the lane? God understands, but above all he wants you to say nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done. For he trully understands and he's teaching you how to lean on Him.

Sharing the Word of God

Last Monday night, my husband was invited to become a part of The Gideons International. This organization was founded in 1899, and is still going strong in 180 countries around the globe and they print the Scriptures in more than 80 languages. I'm sure everyone has seen a Gideon Bible in a hotel where you have stayed. If you've been to the fair, you've probably also received a little New Testament. When Hannah found out they handed out Bibles to people who did not have them, she wanted to join up too. They actually have a Ladies auxilary, and hopefully we can get involved also. One thing we do know is that the word of God is powerful and will as he promised in Isaiah 55: 11, "not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it."

The Bible Is New and Fresh

It's amazing how many times I can study passages in the Bible and always learn something new. When I first started Bible Study Fellowship about 4 1/2 years ago, they asked to know what I thought my Bible knowledge was. At the time, I felt pretty secure in my Bible knowledge. I knew all the major stories of the Bible and could quote some scriptures, knew which book went with the old and the new, and could explain some of the more esoteric subjects. As I have studied the Bible a little more in depth over the past few years, I've discovered one very important fact. I know nothing! There are some many times that I read something and say, "Wow, how many times I have I read that scripture and just completely missed the meaning." It seems that every week in Bible Study, I learn something new that I had never discovered before. When I studied Genesis, I discovered that the Men of Faith from Hebrews 12 were just as flawed an sinful as myself. I learned from Israel and minor prophets that there really is something in those books that is useful to my present day life. In Matthew, I've read parables I never remembered reading before. I've also learned things about Christ's suffering and Crucifixion that I never quite got before. It is interesting to me how Joseph of Arimathea was a member of the Jewish ruling council and he voted against the crucifixion of Jesus. It also says in John 19:38 that Joseph was secretly a disciple of Jesus because he feared the Jews. I guess the secret was out when Joseph asked for the body and gave Him a proper burial. Then Nicodemus, who was also a member of the council and a disciple, came along to help. Sometimes persecution makes you stand up and speak up, and sometimes it makes you want to hide (like Peter).

Above all, I've learned that God's Word is powerful. At times, I feel Him speaking to me from His word. I can almost here His voice say, "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)