Just Being a Giver is Dangerous

In my previous post, I discussed how every giver needs a receiver. We can't all be givers, and we can't all be receivers. I realize now that my desire to take care of myself and not need to receive anything from anyone has made me fall into some dangerous traps. 

• As I've been obsessed with taking care of my own needs so that nobody has to help me, I've ended up only giving to myself. I've run out of energy to help others. I've ended up being more selfish, but all the while I was patting myself on the back because I am not a burden to anyone else. 
• When I don't need others, I don't form emotional connections with people, and I fail to practice vulnerability with others. When I hide behind my facade of perfection, it only makes others feel the need to hide as well.

God created us all uniquely and the fact that you have weaknesses and strengths are not a mistake. God didn't create people who were capable of being completely self-sufficient and never needing another human being. God intended for us to live together and help each other. Your weakness may be my strength and my weakness may be your strength. It's also possible that by combining our weaknesses, we are able to come together to help each other overcome those things that seem to trip both of us up. 

Yes, it says in Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." But if you read on to verse 14, you will see that Paul also said, "It was kind of you to share my trouble."  God's intention was to use us to help each other. God isn't going to physically come to earth and go to the grocery store for Sally while she recovers from surgery. God isn't going to call the florist and send flowers to Jenny when she needs something to brighten her day. He is asking you to do that. There are many things, most of which are not extraordinary, that God is directing us to do. Open your eyes and look at everyone around you and let's try to give to someone besides ourselves.

Every Giver Needs a Receiver

I've lived my life really embracing the last part of Acts 20:35. "....It is more blessed to give than to receive." I have focused so much on the blessing of giving that I interpreted this verse incorrectly. For me, receiving is a weakness, and giving is the only blessing. It would seem that there is an inherent blessing in receiving, but I always feel like a lesser person when I am forced to take something that I was unable to provide for myself. Even when I win a prize, I feel guilty that I received something that someone else didn't receive. I am the oldest child in my family, and I was raised to help my mother and dad in whatever they were doing as well as help my little brothers. I've carried this on into my adult life. In my marriage, I don't always wait for my husband to fix things. I go buy the part and try to fix it myself. I've fixed my dryer, fixed a lawn mower, installed thermocouples in water heaters and gas heaters, and installed faucets and fixed commodes. I don't like to admit that maybe I am incapable of taking care of myself. I want to be considered a strong person who can do it all.

While reading Brené Brown's book Rising Strong, I came face to face with the fact that I do not like to receive. I would rather be the helper and the giver. My identity is found in helping. I am currently working to obtain my Master of Social Work, a degree connected with a helping profession. The first sentence of the Code of Ethics of the National Association of Social Workers says, "The primary mission of the social work profession is to enhance human well-being and help meet the basic human needs of all people." Helping is my middle name. I don't like to tell someone, "No," because it diminishes myself as a person. I am here to help and in my mind if I cannot help, then I am weak, unnecessary, and unimportant. 

I've been privileged to get to know a lovely lady online named Debbie Leitch. She has such a big heart, and she loves to encourage and give to others. She has sent me cards, pictures, messages, and a beautiful glass basket. She is a truly compassionate giver. I'm not the only one she gives to either. She told me one day about someone she knew that needed a friend so she took them to a museum and a park, and this is something she does on a regular basis with multiple people. As I've learned of all the things that Debbie does, I am so amazed and humbled, because you see, Debbie has Spina bifida and she is in a wheel chair. She has a special van fitted to her so she can drive, and she uses that to give help and encouragement to other people in need. Debbie requires lots of assistance from other people, but she accepts that help with graciousness and then is able to turn around and give back with that same grace. I've told Debbie how much I admire her and her spirit, but I hope I can learn to give and receive like she does. 

Brené Brown determined that when we judge ourselves as weak because we have to ask for help, we also judge those we are helping as weak. If you read the first part of Acts 20:35, you will notice that we are supposed to help the weak. Our society has somehow made the word weak into a dirty word. We judge weakness as a sin and something that should and can be overcome. As I thought about all of this, and I remembered the verse in Acts which has been my guiding light, I wondered, "Is the Bible wrong?" Am I wrong to prefer giving to receiving? So I went and read it again--not just from memory. As I stood in the front of the mirror ruminating, I saw the light bulb go off in my head. I blurted out, "It says, 'More blessed to give.'" So I rewrote the verse to say, "It is blessed to receive, but is more blessed to give." I have been selfishly trying to always get the extra blessing. If we are all givers, then who would receive? For every giver, there must be a receiver. In order to be blessed by giving, we must learn to also be blessed by receiving. We can't truly be compassionate givers if we don't know how to be weak and need help and need to receive. Weakness in life is going to happen and it doesn't make us less important, less loved, or less beautiful! We should all be givers and receivers. In fact when you receive from someone, you are allowing them to get that extra blessing. Don't cheat them, learn to receive as graciously as you give. 

Love For Everyone

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Loves never ends! I Corinthians 13:4-8(b) 

If you have read the Bible at all, gone to church at all, or looked at any inspirational posts, you've probably heard about the love chapter, I Corinthians 13. For some reason, it seems we always apply it to husband/wife relationships. The Greek word used for love in this chapter is agape which means the most ultimate love; the kind of love that sacrifices everything. It's the same word used in John 3:16.

So now Love seems much harder. This isn't the kind of love you have only when you are "in love" with your spouse. This love applies to everyone. This is the love we have when we aren't "in love" with our spouse. This is the kind of love we should have for even our enemies. It's even the kind of love you should have for God.

I know some of you are probably thinking that you love God this way already. If you do, then I applaud you. I also assume that you never get impatient with God. I'm guessing you never ask him why he won't hurry up and answer your prayer? Is he even doing anything? Doesn't he see that you have a problem? You never want your own way either, or get resentful when you don't get your way. If you are like me, then your love for God is imperfect at best. 

The words used to describe love in this passage: rejoices, bears, believes, hopes, endures, and endless show us power. This is some amazing love. This is the kind of love that doesn't require you to perform good deeds. You don't have to be perfect to get it. You don't have to even be useful. You just have to be.

If we love God with this love and love our neighbors with this kind of love, we will change our world. In fact, it is the greatest commandments God has given you.

And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets." - Matthew 22:37-40

This has made me want to take each part of "the love chapter" and think of ways to apply it to my life. What do I need to work on bearing or enduring? Who do I need to hope good things for? Is there something I need to quit rejoicing in and something I need to start rejoicing in? Love is what God wants me to do. You may have a job outside the home or be a stay-at-home mom, but whatever you do or where ever you go, you are called to Love. If you are looking for God's will for your life, I recommend you start with Love. 

Sassy, sarcastic, and smart

Fifteen years ago today, I had a baby. She was the most beautiful baby to me. I remember sitting and rocking her and crying, because I couldn't believe how perfect she was. I was so grateful that God gave me a healthy baby girl, and I felt guilty that not everyone got to feel the pure, unadulterated love I was feeling. Hannah has grown to become such a beautiful young lady and she is sassy, sarcastic and smart. I'm kind of proud of the sarcasm part of her, because I know she got that from me. It may not be the best quality to give, but I hear that sarcastic people are actually smarter.

Hannah really is smart. She can't cut a straight line to save her life or play any sports, but she is so smart. I'm wiser than her, but she is so much smarter than I am and some day, she will be wiser than me as well.

She is not afraid to tell people the honest truth. I love that about her. I always like to say what people want to hear, but she is brave. She also isn't scared to tell me how she feels and that is exactly how I want it. She loves me and I love her and I don't let a day go by without letting her hear the words, "I love you!" 

Watching Hannah grow has been the highlight of my life. I guess there will be a moment when I wish we could go backwards, but every day is such an adventure that I like moving forward. She is 15 today, and I know that I'll blink and she'll be graduating and going to college. I'm anxious and excited all the same. My granddaughter likes to call this nerviscited.  I can't believe God chose me to be Hannah's mother. I haven't always done the best job, but I've always been grateful that God chose me to do the job. Happy Birthday Hannah Banana! I love you! 

Some of my favorite Hannah pictures

Yes, you conduit!

I was talking to a friend today and she said she wanted to be better and let Jesus flow through her. I told her, "Yes, we need to be a conduit for Jesus."  I thought of how I feel defeated so much. I do well and then I mess up and feel like I've ruined everything. I start eating healthy, and then one day seems to ruin all of my hard work. I always think, "I can do this!" Then life slams into me and I end up crying, "I can't do this!"

I came into work all pumped and ready to shed joy on all those around me and be a conduit of Jesus' love. When I got here, I had to read a document accusing me of things I didn't say. I immediately got all angry and wanted to tell this lawyer a few things, but I stopped and realized that I was flooded with negativity. I was allowing a flood of anger, unhappiness, and hatefulness to flow through me. Apparently we are always conduits, sometimes we are just allowing the wrong things to flow through us. So I'm going to breathe and try to be a conduit of love, peace, patience, and joy. Come on, you conduit.

Am I right, or am I right?

Everything you do and say from the beginning of your life is judged based on how correct you are. Parents teach you what is right and wrong. Teachers, friends, law enforcement, and bosses all teach you what is wrong, right, or acceptable behavior. Preachers and Sunday school teachers lead you down the paths they feel are correct. I'm afraid we spend more time teaching kids what we think is truth instead of teaching them how to find the truth for themselves. Yes, I believe in explaining what you believe to your children, but if they are just reciting what they are taught, it will never translate to a personal relationship with God. They need to discover the truth for themselves.

When we discover truth, our knee-jerk reaction is to persuade everyone to believe just as we do. I mean, why would they want to be wrong? I have said things in jest, said things in ignorance, and said things in self-righteousness that I truly hope people can forget and not judge my entire existence by those words. My belief system has evolved over time based on my continued study and the circumstances I've lived through.

I write this because there are so many opinions out there these days, and so many people wanting to share them. Then there are people with opinions about those opinions. It's all such a whir and sometimes I can't keep up with who is right and who is wrong. So I've discovered an easy trick to know the answer. If someone speaks or blogs, they are right and wrong. I suspect they have some thread of truths and are incorrect about some others. Maybe the best we can hope to do is reduce the number of things we are wrong about. I have some truths that I won't budge on. I've settled them in my head and my heart, but there are a whole slew of others that I may or may not be completely correct about. I figure God will make it abundantly clear when I need to know

I keep thinking that one day I will reach some nirvana of truth and freedom from my humanity. I am discovering that my whole life is a journey toward that end. I don't have the answers. I will never again tell someone I have all the answers. Yes, Jesus is the answer, but then he also triggers a lot of other questions. Life will always provide you with more questions than answers so just get used to it. The only people I worry about are the ones who are certain they are right. Am I right, or am I right?

Grace For Everyday

Sometimes I'm dumb enough to go back and read old blog posts. I usually regret it, because I always sound like I know what I'm talking about. I sound condescending to my own self. Then I see me "discovering" principles and truths that I had already discovered in the past, but failed to apply and put into practice. Why do I have to keep learning the same old lessons over and over again? 

Paul spoke about dying daily, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot the past few weeks. I started a bible study entitled A call to die by David Nasser. It asks some hard questions, and makes you evaluate your motives for everything you do. Why do I do the things I do? Is it to gain favor with God, favor that I already have and can not possibly attain? We've already established that most of what I do is in hopes that people will like me. I still want God to like me more than I feel like he could. 

It's really all about my sense of worth. I've known for many years that my sense of worth had its issues, and I used to think I had a poor sense of self-worth. Now I'm realizing how really self-absorbed I am. It is natural, because that's the way this world works, but it's not okay. We are taught to take care of ourselves, promote ourselves, and make sure we succeed. I'm the oldest child, and I've always wanted to do it by myself. I wanted to live on my own, pay my own way, and I despise my own weakness. That pride keeps me from understanding God's grace. 

God's grace is needed on my best days just as much as it's needed on my worst days. I need his grace when I think I'm living some form of perfection. I need his grace when I think I am not messing up. I cannot do a single day without it. His grace is worth more than I can imagine and it's capable of so much more than I could ever hope for it to be. Today, as I sit and ruminate about God's grace, I am overwhelmed with emotion. His grace really is amazing!