Sometimes I'm dumb enough to go back and read old blog posts. I usually regret it, because I always sound like I know what I'm talking about. I sound condescending to my own self. Then I see me "discovering" principles and truths that I had already discovered in the past, but failed to apply and put into practice. Why do I have to keep learning the same old lessons over and over again?
Paul spoke about dying daily, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot the past few weeks. I started a bible study entitled A call to die by David Nasser. It asks some hard questions, and makes you evaluate your motives for everything you do. Why do I do the things I do? Is it to gain favor with God, favor that I already have and can not possibly attain? We've already established that most of what I do is in hopes that people will like me. I still want God to like me more than I feel like he could.
It's really all about my sense of worth. I've known for many years that my sense of worth had its issues, and I used to think I had a poor sense of self-worth. Now I'm realizing how really self-absorbed I am. It is natural, because that's the way this world works, but it's not okay. We are taught to take care of ourselves, promote ourselves, and make sure we succeed. I'm the oldest child, and I've always wanted to do it by myself. I wanted to live on my own, pay my own way, and I despise my own weakness. That pride keeps me from understanding God's grace.
God's grace is needed on my best days just as much as it's needed on my worst days. I need his grace when I think I'm living some form of perfection. I need his grace when I think I am not messing up. I cannot do a single day without it. His grace is worth more than I can imagine and it's capable of so much more than I could ever hope for it to be. Today, as I sit and ruminate about God's grace, I am overwhelmed with emotion. His grace really is amazing!
No comments:
Post a Comment