Thank You!

Today I got a call from the insurance adjuster and he told me that they are accepting liability and will be paying for the damage done to my vehicle. They will also pay for me to have a rental. I don't know what they thought I've been doing for the past 8 days. Regardless, I'm taking the rental for everyday that they will pay. Hopefully it's not a Geo Metro. I'm tired of being cramped in Andy's little car. It's really hard to get groceries or anything when Andy's trunk is full of dirty clothes and the inside is carrying us. The other day when we stopped, Hannah said, "finally! Now I can stretch my legs." I am very thankful to God that my van will get fixed! Merry Christmas to all!

God is Good--all the time!

Sometimes it seems that everything in life is against you. Your sink clogs up, you have a flat tire, your dryer quits working, and your dog runs away all in the same week. It's like God is tightening the screws, turning up the heat, and beating you into submission. I've had one of those weeks, and I don't know that I am passing the test. I've been grouchy today, and I keep thinking "why is everything going wrong?" "What is God trying to teach me?"

Yesterday, I dropped my daughter off at her piano lesson and was going to the bank. I was no more than a block from where I dropped Hannah off when a lady smashed into me. I have about $4,000.00 worth of damage to my van, and the lady did not have a proper driver's license, so there is a chance that her insurance will not pay. I was not hurt, and Hannah was not with me which was a good thing. This wasn't the first stressful thing that had happened this week, and I'm guessing it won't be the last thing this week either.

One thing God has been teaching me is that this life is not about me. God has a plan, and although he cares about the smallest aspects of my life, he also has a bigger plan than me. He's also been teaching me that life is not all about the here and now. I have a better day coming. There will be no more stressful jobs or hectic schedules. I won't have to be separated from loved ones. It's going to be one big fellowship dinner, and Jesus will be the guest of honor. Life is also not about the stuff I accumulate. Things are not important to God, and I don't need to be attached to the things of this world.

I know God will let His glory show in every circumstance of my life, I just have to rest in Him. It says in Matthew 11:6, "And blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me. " God has given me more than I deserve, and I pray that I will forever be grateful and never offended in the paths God leads me down.

Offended or Touchy?

It seems that today we are always so afraid to offend someone, and because of it we no longer say Merry Christmas, and Santa Claus cannot say "Ho, Ho, Ho". What is the matter with us. If someone says Happy Hannakuah to me, I would not be offended. I might say "Oh, it's Hannakuah, I did not know that." As a Christian, Christmas is my holiday that represents the birth of Christ. I haven't complained about Santa and his elves clouding my holiday. I also celebrate the season of giving that we have in December, because I am American and it has become an American holiday. I may choose to wish you a Merry Christmas and you are more than welcome to have a sad and depressing one instead. Don't fault me for mine though, for since Christ has come into my life, I plan to have a Merry Christmas. I pray that you will understand the meaning of Christmas someday.

Waiting For Gracie

Since today is Gracie’s birthday, I wanted to share my memories of the day of her birth, but I will have to start a few days before. Sometime on a Monday morning in November, Will called me and said "Ashley’s water just broke, and we are headed to the hospital." All I could think is, "it is just too soon." I offered the hopeful suggestion that perhaps the baby had just pressed really hard against her bladder and her water really hadn’t broken, but they were pretty sure it had. I immediately started to pray. Even though I’m the step-mother and a grandmother by default, I still love them like they were my own and was worried. Things rocked along for several days and most of you already know the story. The day that Will called to say that Ashley was actually in labor, we started getting things ready to go to Little Rock. I wanted to get my Mom to pick up Hannah from school, because I felt like she would get bored at the hospital and she just hates hospitals. She hates the bells and whistles of the machines, the needles, and the thoughts that somebody is hurting. Terry finally convinced me that she needed to be there. We arrived at UAMS about noon on November 28th. We ate lunch with Bro. Kelvin and Will and then we all commenced to wait. We popped in and out to see Ashley (who was pretty miserable) we walked the hallways, watched television, made friends with the other patient’s families, and grazed in the cafeteria. Sometime just before midnight, Gracie was born. We were standing in the hallway and saw them whip her out of the room and into another room. We waited and waited. They kept telling us she was doing as well as could be expected. I didn’t really know what that meant being that I wasn’t a doctor. Finally around 2:00 a.m. on November 29, we got to see little Gracie for the first time. She was little and tubes poked into her, and she was in a glass box, but she was alive and looked beautiful. Her aunt Hannah stayed awake for the entire thing, and she was in awe the first time she saw her. I had to print out pictures for her to take to school the next day, Yes, she did go to school that day despite the fact that we didn’t get home until 3:30 a.m. We were tired, but we were excited; Gracie was here. At age one, Gracie is so beautiful and perfect. She doesn’t have any physical defects as she could have had. In the process of this whole ordeal, Will got the job he now has today. God is so good and has such great plans. I’m so grateful for His grace on little Gracie.

I'm Still Here

I know I haven't been very studious in blogging, but I have been busy. We had a great Thanksgiving. On Thursday, I went to my Mom's house and both of my brothers were there. Daren is currently living in Scottsbluff, Nebraska so we don't get to seem him as much anymore. He won't be here for Christmas either. On Friday, I got up at 5:00 a.m. and left the house by 5:30 a.m. to head out shopping. I did well this year--I paid cash for everything and finished my Christmas shopping for Hannah. On Saturday, we headed up to Searcy to visit with Will, Ashley, Gracie, Andy, and their Grandparents, Dot and Grady Arthur. They are getting older and the boys are their only family so we try to visit with them when possible. Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving and please watch for the special blog I will have on Wednesday.

Prayer

I have decided to start studying prayer. Recently, in my study of Matthew, I studied the scriptures in chapter 6 about prayer. I got to thinking that having people pray in church for all to hear may not be appropriate or even biblical. Matthew 6:5 states, "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men." I know that it also has something to do with the attitiude, and most people I know are not hoping that they will be called on to pray in front of the church. For me, prayer is a very personal matter. When I am called on to pray at church, I always feel that I have to say things just right, not stutter, and have beautiful words. I feel very uncomfortable, and am usually trying to not be called on. I really think prayer is me communicating with God and that it should be between me and him only. Although, I'm not completely set in this opinion, I am willing to be pursuaded. I may do some further blogs, as I decide just what I think the bible says about prayer.

Jesus Use Us

Hannah really does seem to have made some changes. This week she keeps talking about her "prayer list" and how there are certian kids she has put on her prayer list. Last night, I put her to bed and afterwards I heard her talking and asked what she needed. She said, "nothing, mom, I'm just praying." In the past, she always wants me to "pray for her". She says she just doesn't know what to say. I just makes me so happy to see her depending on Jesus. I was much older before I really learned to depend on Him, and it really does ease your worries.

In other news, I have signed up to volunteer at Gardner Elementary and was assigned to a Kindergarten teacher. I am going today on my lunch hour to meet the kids and help out a little. I plan to help every other Friday afternoon from 12:30 until 3:00, and every other Thursday from 12:00 to 1:00. I really enjoy getting to know the kids and working with them one on one. There are some kids that really just need a hug and some encouragement. There are studies that show the grades of children improve after having regular, positive contact with an adult. I am praying God will use me to love these needy kids.

Sunday Was Hannah's New Day

In my last post, I talked about Hannah and our conversations about Jesus dying for our sins. I know she's been thinking lots about it. We've had conversations in the past about her giving her life to Jesus and asking Him into her heart, and she has said that she would wait until she was older. A time or two she also got "worried" about remembering to do it when she got older, she said she really didn't want to go to hell. Sunday night, we talked about it and she told me that she wanted to ask Jesus to be her Savior. After she prayed, she said "whew, now I don't have to worry about doing it when I'm older." She had apparently been worried about it. Tonight after Bible Study, we were asking her what she learned and she started crying. She said, "Mom, they said that worrying is a sin, and I worry all the time." She cried for several minutes because she didn't realize she had been sinning so much. In Matthew 5, it says, Blessed are those that mourn. I've come to understand that this is referring to mourning over one's sin. Sometimes, people have a flippant attitude about sin, and say, "well, I'll just repent about that and do it anyway." We fail to realize that our sin put Jesus on the cross and He endured a horrible, tortuous death because of our sin. We should mourn over the sin we commit, and try our best to change. I'm so happy that Hannah has given her life to God, and that she started a new day in her life.

Tomorrow Is A New Day

Last night, Hannah and I had a long heart-to-heart talk. I discovered a fairly large hole in her shirt and it was a new shirt that she has only worn twice. She had a problem a while back cutting inappropriate things such as her clothes, the cat’s whiskers etc., and so I immediately suspected her, but didn’t accuse. I asked what happened and she had that "deer in the headlights" look and immediately said, "my friend did it." I asked, "which friend?" She then said "I’m sorry Mom." This brought on a whole other discussion about lying to me. I also discovered that it was not an accident, but that she cut her shirt on purpose. She doesn’t know why she did it, because it’s her favorite shirt, and I certainly don’t understand. We cried lots of tears, and she prayed and asked God to forgive her. She was also very distraught and questioning whether or not I still loved her. I had been saying I loved her through this whole tirade and I hadn’t screamed and hollered and locked her in the dungeon. I did tell her she would have to pay for the shirt and I took her only $5.00 bill. I thought about it, and realized that she just felt that she had been so horrible that nobody could love her. I have felt that same way at times. We then talked about Jesus love for us and how he died so that our sins could be forgiven. I also used one of my favorite quotes to encourage her, "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it." When God forgives he gives us a new day–a new life–with no mistakes in it. He wipes the slate clean and he cast our sins as far as the East is from the West. I’m so glad Jesus died for me.

Thank God For His Blessings

I just want to thank God for his blessings--especially in how he's blessed Hannah. Every night (or nearly every night) Hannah and I pray together, and I always pray that God will send His angels with her each day and that they will surround her and keep her safe. When I started praying this, many of her fears became less intense. I also pray that she will be able to listen, pay attention, and learn at school. I pray that God will help her to do the right thing each day. I pray for her teacher and pray that God will give her wisdom and patience to teach the kids. Somedays we pray for particular kids depending on what happened that day.

Today we had parent teacher conference and Hannah received all A's, the Principal's Award, and Perfect Attendance. I am so thankful that God has allowed me to take care of Hannah and have her in my life. Just as he allowed me to be in the lives of Will and Andy, he was also in control of placing Hannah in my life and she is trully a blessing. Not that she is perfect, because she can be grouchy and difficult with the best of them, but I do love her dearly. She always strives to do good. She wants to make good grades and do the right thing. The other day one of her friends "quit" being her friend and found some new friends. I told her to just keep being her friend anyway. A week or so later, this little girl's "friends" left her, and as Hannah said "she came back to me". She told me, "Mom, God had a plan for me and Alexis all along." It is funny to listen to her process these "minor" problems with such sincerity. For her, these problems are her entire world. I am glad she is learning to find God's hand in every situation. Which brings up the subject of Bible Study. Hannah is also doing well there. Her teachers think she's brillant, and I've already learned that she retains the Bible better than I do. Oh, to be a child again!

Death Will Come For Us All

It seems that I've been surrounded by death lately. Several days in a row, we were called to go and do wills or estate planning for people who were either in the hospital or at home dying. Terry and I went to the home of one particular lady, and she was very pleasant and seemed quite content. She was very clear minded, and to be quite honest I thought she would probably last a few more months; she seemed fairly healthy. She told us she had cancer, and this was the third time. She had beat it two times before. She had seven children and three of them were there. I had to go back to her house on Friday of that week and I had her sign some papers and spoke to her. She was sitting up and seemed very chipper. We discussed that she was a member of the Church at Crossgate and the fact that she believed in God. She died a couple of days later.

A member of my church, Lois Hibbs, died early Monday morning. She was older and living in the nursing home, but actually seemed to be in fairly good physical health for her age. I've discovered that age and health have nothing to do with life really. When God decides your life is over, then you had better be ready.

Still another lady that I knew passed away this week. She was a sister of a dear friend, and her sister had prayed so earnestly for a miracle and that God would spare her. But God had other plans, and she instead has gone home. I've seen God take the young and the old, but the fact stands that death will come for us all. Are you ready to meet Jesus? Who is your master?

What If. . . .

I was listening to the radio the other day and the song "Fifteen" by Greg Long came on. It is a very moving song which poses the thought that it may take as many as fifteen times for someone to hear about Jesus before they will believe. Therefore, if that's the case, we must tell everyone, because we never know if we're the first, the fourth, or even the fifteenth. This is a gripping thought to me, because what if it takes that many people telling someone to convince them that Jesus is real and worth serving, and what if I fail in the line of things? What if it all comes down to you or me? I read a statistic one time that it takes something like five invitations to someone before they will agree to attend an event. There was the story about a man who was invited to a special church event and the first time he was invited he said "absolutely not". The second time he said, "no, I don't think so". The third time he replied, "we'll see." The fourth time he said, "I'll think about it." Then the fifth time he said, "sure, I'll come." I guess we can bug them until they come, but the point is that we should never give up. This time just might be the time they decide to come to Jesus.

Tribute to Will

Ten years ago today, I had the pleasure of listening to Will preach his first sermon. It lasted all of 12 ½ minutes, and I thought it was the best sermon I had ever heard. He was very brave, because he used as his text the scripture which speaks of Paul and Epaphroditus–which is a very difficult name to pronounce.

I will never forget Sunday, August 10, 1997, when Will surrendered to preach. He was just 14 years old, and I have never been more shocked. Will had gone to church camp the week previously, and after coming home that weekend he seemed to be quieter than normal. I just blamed it on the fact that he probably had gotten very little sleep at camp, but apparently not. At the end of service that Sunday, he came forward and announced he felt God calling him to preach. Since that time, I can say that Will has always had God as his top priority. That does not mean he was a perfect teenager who always cleaned his room and treated his brother with respect, but he was never ashamed of the gospel of Christ. He would take his Bible to school every day and they called him "preacher boy". He did his research paper on the life of Paul, and was always studying the Bible. Watching him, made me want to study more.

I thank God he has allowed me to be in Will’s life and watch him grow into the man and preacher he is today. I have to say that every time I hear Will preach, I think, "Wow, he is a really good preacher." Although, I have been known to offer "constructive" criticism at times. At present, Will is the director of the Missionary Baptist Student Fellowship located on the campus of UALR. He is married to Ashley Diggs and they have a very beautiful daughter named Gracie. I pray God’s blessings on them all.

Martha Gets a Bad Rap

I have had busy weekend working at the church. We had a big meeting and had to provide three different meals, and then we also had lunch after Sunday School today. I feel a little like Martha in the Bible. She was stuck in the kitchen, and Mary got to hear all the teaching. I am not complaining, because I wanted to work and help in the best way needed. I do think that Martha gets a bad rap though. If I and the other women had been sitting and listening to the teaching this weekend, and not preparing the food, I am sure we would have heard some grumbling from the others concerning this. I am sure Martha understood this concept and had probably dealt with grumbling appetites before, but Jesus told her that she worried needlessly and that Mary had chosen the better thing. In my work for God, I have come to realize that there are times that I have to miss out on worshiping while I am taking care of other preparations. I just spend other times in worship and study--it may be just me and Jesus meeting together--but I find time to spend with Him. I would encourage you to take notice of the people in your church who are playing the piano, teaching Sunday School, helping with children’s programs, and cooking for church meals, and remember that Marthas need to learn and worship too. There may be a Mary out there who is soaking up all the teaching and needs to give Martha a turn.

Wisemen Teach Us To Worship

Where is He that is born King of the Jews? For we have seen his
star in the East, and are come to worship Him. Matthew 2:2

Some of the first people to worship Jesus were the wisemen, and if we follow their example, we can also learn how to worship.

• Search. First we must search for Him. The wisemen had studied the Bible and knew that the star meant something special. They also knew that the baby was the Christ. They knew He was worthy of their worship, and went seeking Him. The Bible says in Deuteronomy 4:29, "if. . . you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul." How do we search? We study His word which tells us all we need to know about God.
  


• Bow. We must also bow our hearts to Him. We must give him the honor and remove ourselves from the equation. In order to worship, we must bring Him glory and not ourselves. When we bow, we show reverence and a removal of pride. In almost every verse in the Bible that speaks of worship of the true God, it also speaks of bowing.
  


• Give. The wisemen also gave to Jesus. It was sacrificial giving; it was the best they had to give. Hannah sometimes goes through her toys, at my behest, so that we can make room for more. She always says, "I will give these toys to kids who don’t have any", but she never gives them her best toys, she gives the ones she no longer wants. God wants us to give him the best, not the stuff we have no use for or are broken. He wants our very best.
  


• Change. After worshiping Jesus, the wisemen left and went back a different way. Their eyes were opened, and they realized that Herod was not telling the truth. They were changed by worshiping Jesus. Our worship should change us. We should also have a better understanding of Jesus after worshiping Him.

Mary Said, "Yes"

"And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that are highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: belessed art thou among women." Luke 1:29

Although Mary was highly favored of God, she was not given a break. Being highly favored of God usually brings you greater responsibility. I cannot even imagine the pressure Mary was under when she discovered that she was going to have a child. She knew what people would think and who would blame them–we would all think the exact same thing. I am sure the gossip mill was working overtime, and I can hear them saying things like, “good, straight-laced Mary, look at what she’s gotten herself into.” “I would have never thought Mary would do such a thing.” “Joseph says he’s not the father, I can’t believe he’s going to marry her anyway.”

When God sent the angel to give Mary the scoop, he goes through the whole spiel, and Mary does not argue or complain or weep uncontrollably, all the scenarios I imagine myself doing, but she simply says, “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be to me as you have said." Matthew 1:38 She didn’t beg him to use someone else like Moses did, she didn’t run away like Jonah, she didn’t come up with a “better” plan like Abraham, she just said, “let it be”. I long for that peace and security that I can say, “God it doesn’t matter what you ask me to do, I’ll do it.” I pray that I will listen to God and hear when he speaks, and when He says go, I hope I will say, “I am the Lord’s servant, let it be.”

Waiting on God

"Just Wait!" Nobody likes to hear those words, but it seems that waiting is what we do more than anything. I want to be doing something all the time. If I am on hold with someone on the phone, I will be typing or doing some other desk work while I wait. Waiting is also necessary. Not everyone can be first; therefore, someone ends up waiting. Waiting is something we learn about in the Bible and there is a way in which God wants us to "wait" on Him.

• Wait Expectantly In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3 We are supposed to expect God to answer our pleas. We should make our requests known to him first thing when we wake up and then wait. I generally pray and think that God will probably tell me "No", but expectantly speaks of waiting with hope.

• Wait Eagerly But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. Galations 5:5 This seems like a oxymoron, but Hannah waits eagerly for many things. She waits eagerly for all the holidays, vacations, parties, and any other fun outings. One reason it’s hard for me to wait eagerly on God is because I don’t know what He has planned for me. I must realize though that he does have "good plans" for me.

• Wait Patiently Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7 Although Hannah is good at waiting eagerly, she is definitely not good at being patient-- not that many of us are. Patience means the capacity to tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without becoming angry or upset. We worry and try to help Him out, because we know He meant to take care of our situation long before now. He must have lost track of time. It is so hard to understand that He is in control and has His own time table.

• Wait Quietly It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3:26. This is probably the hardest one for me. I may wait, but it won’t be quietly. I will have to gripe and complain about how long it’s taking for God to answer me. I won’t understand why He answered the way He did, and I will definitely want to explain His method.

In Numbers 9:8 it says that Moses answered them saying, "Wait until I find out what the LORD commands concerning you." We should not make one move without knowing what God wants. Sometimes He just wants us to stay where He has put us and do the best we can in our present position. According to the Bible, it is wise to wait and find out what He wants us to do before we move forward.

Hugs from Heaven

And I will make them and the places round about my hill a blessing; and I will cause the shower to come down in his season; there shall be showers of blessing. Ezekiel 34:26

I attended the Arkansas ABA Women’s Retreat this weekend along with Missy Smead and Sharon Rosenbaum. We heard some good music on Friday night presented by Beth Hambrick of New Testament Missionary Baptist Church in Lonoke, Arkansas. Martha Owens, from Landmark Missionary Baptist Church in Mt. Enterprise, Texas, spoke to us on Saturday.

Sis. Owens spoke of how God will give us showers of blessings, and then asked, "What do you want?" She answered the question by saying most everyone just wants to matter to someone. We want to feel like we are important to our family or church. The problem arises when we expect to be validated completely by humans. Our husbands, wives, children, pastor, or teachers will not be able to give us a feeling of significance all the time. When they don’t, we then feel like a failure. Our significance must come from God. He is the only one who can sufficiently give us self-worth.

Another way in which the devil tries to steal our blessings is by causing us to worry. Sis. Owens commented that "we worry about time and money more than anything else, and they both mean nothing to God." She also stated that we can be a "warrior or a worrier," but we cannot be both. We have to learn that God will take care of us, and there are times when we get hurt in the battle because we have simply failed to wear our armour.

Bible Study

I have spoken before about Bible Study Fellowship--the bible study that I attend on Monday nights. We have started up again, and Hannah is able to go this year. I've been excited and a little nervous wondering how she would fit in. She was excited and I think she was expecting fun games, of which there were none. Although she said it was boring and they did "a lot of talking", she wanted to read her Bible before she went to bed that first night, and has reminded me that we need to do her Bible Study. She is also excited about being able to answer the questions. I am hoping that she will soon be reading well enough to read and write the answers to the questions herself and do the Bible reading herself, because right now I am having to help with hers and do my own.

We are studying the book of Matthew and we had to read the entire book this week. That has been a little challenging for us since there are 28 chapters. I have to admit I haven't been able to get Hannah to sit still for 8 chapters at a time. I have read her enough to answer her questions, and called it quits. I am looking foward to what God will do with the knowledge she gains. I am also excited about studying Matthew, because its concepts speak to our daily living. Romans had some difficult concepts to grasp, and Matthew, although it may not be "fun" learning is at least easily understood. So far my favorite passage is Matthew 6: 25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Ignorance: Is it really bliss?

The other day I heard myself say to a lady "I guess ignorance is bliss, until you get caught." This was because she had "thought" she had sufficiently dealt with a matter, despite the many warning signs to the contrary. Then she got caught, literally, and hauled to jail. I find myself listening to people's problems and thinking the only real good answer we can give them is, "you should have come to us years ago." By nature, I think we tend to procrastinate. We put off those things we don't want to think about until we just have to think about them. We (my husband and I) execute more Wills in the hospital than we do in our office. It's amazing how many people end up in the hospital, and realize that they might die, and need to prepare. Dealing with God is probably one thing that people put off the most. I guess it's because nobody has failed to deal with the problem, been introduced to the consequences, and lived to tell about it.

It says in Mark 13:32 that no man knoweth the day or the hour when Christ shall return. The fact of the matter is that we do not know when we will exit this life. Whether Jesus comes back in our lifetime or not, we will enter eternity at some point. I read the obituaries everyday, and they range in age from infant to teens, to 20s to 90s. I pray that you have taken care of those important matters in your life, and don't wait until there is no more time. It doesn't really matter that you did not know the exact time. Don't get caught unprepared for your eternity.

He Lifts Me Up

I am a devoted fan of Dottie Rambo. I have not heard a song she wrote that I did not immediately feel a connection to. I always think, "that is exactly how I would have written that song--if I'd have thought of it first." The other night, while feeling a little melancholy, I watched a DVD of Dottie being heralded by Bill Gaither. They sang one of the songs she had written, entitled "When I Life Up My Head". The next morning, the preacher spoke on the subject of "Looking to God". It never fails that when I give my fears and worries to God, that he doesn't somehow help me bear the burden. I want to share the words of this song with you--since I can't share the song.

When I'm down, when I'm down now, when my heart is filled with fear and doubt, when I lift up my head, then he lifts up my heart and my troubles just all roll away.

I can't see the sun with my head to the ground, tears in my vision that weight my heart down. But I found a secret, when I kneel to pray: When I lift up my head, then he lifts up my heart and my troubles just all roll away.

Roll away Lord, Roll all away Lord
When I lift up my head, then he lifts up my heart and my troubles just all roll away.

The Church is to Edify and Encourage

I've always loved going to church. My best friends have usually been fellow church goers, and I have always planned my life and activities around church. For me, church has always been my social network. These people understand me, and are my friends and confidants. I have heard a lot of people say they don't need to go to church, because they can worship God anywhere. That is true, and we should worship God everywhere and in everything we do, but worshipping God is not the only reason we should go to church. We should also go to church to be with other Christians, and it's hard to fellowship with other Christians all alone in the woods. It says in I Thessalonians 5:11, "Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, just as you also are doing." We should be uplifting each other and encouraging each other. We are also supposed to "edify" each other. Edify means to instruct or improve morally or intellectually. The old phrase, "if you can't find anything good to say, then say nothing at all." really comes to life here. It also says in I Corinthians 14:26 ". . . . When you come together, every one of you hath a psalm, hath a doctrine, hath a tongue, hath a revelation, hath an interpretation. Let all things be done for the edification." When we come to church, we should leave feeling better than we came. One of the purposes of the meeting is to build up the members, strengthen them, and teach them how to live more moral lives. Church should not be demoralizing or depressing, or supporitive of sin. God is great and if we get together and share all the great things God has done and can do, we will then be encouraged to go out tell others of His greatness.

Helping Others Helps Me

I haven't forgotten about the church, but plan to revisit that topic later. I feel the need to blog another subject at the moment.

The summer before my senior year of highschool, my dad lost his job. He made us a comfortable living as manager of a cedar wood-working plant. I remember the feeling of worry that settled over our family that summer, and how I automatically knew that things were going to be different than I had originally planned. As I've learned over the years, financial difficulties can cause a marriage to break, and my parents marriage was no different. Those were some difficult years for our family, but I found a way through--it was by helping others.

That fall a lady at my church, Gwen Carpenter, began teaching a sign language class. I had always loved watching her sign, and began to learn and practice daily. I was very shy, and didn't like talking to strangers, but I decided that I would approach a deaf girl at my school. I basically had the vocabulary of a three year old with the amount of sign language I knew, but we began to be friends. By learning sign language, I met a whole other world of people and for many years they were involved in my life. It was a year or so after my life had calmed down somewhat that I realized something. Helping people had helped me. I received more blessings from helping them than they received from my helping.

In James 1:27 it says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." It also says in Matthew 25:35-36 "For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, and I was in prison and you came to visit me." I believe God placed me where I am so that I can help people, and that is the reason He placed you where you are. You have special talents that are needed for the situations you are in, and He will use you if you are available.

What Is The Church?

How many times have you worried about someone who was not saved, so you invited them to church? I have come to the realization that church in the form that God created it, may not be the best place to witness to an unsaved person. I know I am going to step on some toes, and I may be way off base. After looking at the first churches, I’ve realized that a church is a group of saved people who are meeting together. Like any club or group that meets regularly, a church has purposes and goals. The purposes and goals of the first churches were: the building up and edification of the members; instructing and training their members; and sending out men to tell the world about Jesus.

On a personal note, I'm looking forward to church tomorrow. There are times when I feel the need to go to church simply because I need the positive and uplifting feeling that church brings. Sometimes church does not bring those and feelings, and if you are in a church that causes you to feel demoralized and gloomy on a regular basis, you should seriously pray about making a change.

Did Noah Preach?

I have heard for all of my life how that Noah preached for 120 years and only his family was saved. Preachers have talked about how the door stayed open for a time giving other people a chance to come aboard. I had a blog all worked out based on this premise, and as I read the story of Noah again, I realized something. I'm not sure that Noah preached at all. He was never commanded to convert others. God told him I am making a convenant with you and your family. He doesn't mention anyone else. I am quite sure that people asked Noah what he was doing while building this monstrosity of a boat, and I'm also quite sure that Noah told them. I wonder if he said "Well, God is going to destroy everything but me, my family, and a few animals, so you better enjoy your life while you got it. I'm guessing he didn't say it quite like that, but I am in a quandry about whether or not Noah was ordered to preach and others were given the opportunity to be saved. I wish some of the biblical scholars who read my blog, if any there be, would comment and let me know your thoughts.

Giving as God Gives

Giving is a great biblical principal, and giving like God requires is very difficult. I feel that I am a fairly generous person, but I usually make sure my family is taken care of before I start giving to others. I read the story in I Kings 17:7-15 where the Widow of Zarephath was gathering sticks during the drought and famine. She was planning to bake her last cake for her and her son and then they were going to wait to die. Elijah came along and said "could you get me a glass of water?" The widow immediately went to get him a drink, although there was a drought and water was probably limited. Then he stopped her and said while you’re at it, bake me some bread too. She stopped and turned and said "I only have enough for me and my son." I can feel this woman’s pain. She so wants to give to this man, but she has a son to think about, along with herself. She wasn’t looking forward to going hungry either. Elijah tells her that God has told her to make him bread and that if she does, there will be enough. She does as he says and indeed there is enough not only for that day, but also for the remaining days of the famine.

Having a daughter, I’ve tried to put myself in the widow’s position. Could I give the food I was going to give to my child to someone else? Am I willing to give to God sacrificially? I am afraid God has taught me lately that I love to give so long as I have an abundance. When my resources are limited, I’m not near as giving. I am much more frugal in my giving, when I don’t see how my own needs will be met from day to day. God instructed us in His word to pray for our daily bread. He never told us to store up enough food to last a month. I also know that God promised to supply all my needs. I just have to reconcile what I think I need with what God thinks I need.

Living Water

I am very blessed to live in Hot Springs, Arkansas, where there is free spring water. I go to the Happy Hollow Spring about once a week in order to stock up on that free springwater. While there, I usually get into conversations with people about the superiority of this particular spring water. I think it is better myself, and one man swears his dog can tell the difference between the spring water and tap water and refuses to drink anything but Happy Hollow spring water. I have seen people from Texas and Louisiana there with trucks filled with jugs to stock up on water. Water is very important to our physical life, and it's no wonder that Jesus used water to paint a picture for us of what he offers. God's water is absolutely necessary for our spritual lives, and he offers living water that will fulfill our thirst forever. This means you only have to go to the spring once. There are many religions that offer water, that just doesn’t "taste" the same as that living spring water. People keep searching in other areas of life to fulfill that thirst that is not being quenched. The Samaritan woman's life was completely turned around by this living water, and I hope you have experienced the living water of Jesus.

Will You Love Him Even If. . .?

Many of you may have seen the movie "Facing the Giants" which was a Christian movie that became a big hit recently. There are a few parallels in this movie–most of which are not very subtle. For instance, the movie is entitled "Facing the Giants" and the football team, which is known for being weak, has to play a team called the "Giants". These guys are big and fast and impossible to beat. Then the kick that wins them the championship game is performed by none other than "David" who is smaller than all of his teammates. Nevertheless, despite the very obvious message, it is still a good movie with a fairly interesting story line.

The message that spoke to me was more secondary; it spoke of surrender to God’s plan. When the wife of football coach Grant Taylor says "God, I will still love you" regardless of whether or not you provide what I'm asking you for. I know that this is a hard pill to swallow. I have said those words myself, and I didn’t get immediate results like she did. We sometimes have to really resign ourselves to the fact that God may have something better in store for us. I know we’ve all had those dreams and desires in our lives, and sometimes we blame God. We pray and ask Him and he keeps saying "No", or just seems to ignore our request. We sometimes feel indignant; as if all of our "good" service somehow entitles us to what we want. I have had to deal with this attitude in my daughter this week. She has begun to act as if she should get what she wants. She thinks if she whines enough, I will give in. What she hasn’t learned yet is that her whining translates to ungratefulness for what she already has, and then I don’t want to give her anything at all. So many times my parent-child relationship seems to mirror my relationship with God. Maybe, when I pout because I don’t get what I want, God feels annoyed that I am ungrateful for what I have. He may just want to be reassured that I will still love Him even if He chooses to give my dream to someone else. Loving God is akin to serving Him and sometimes when I feel like I’m not getting the blessings I think I deserve, my service slacks off. I have no scriptures for us tonight, only a prayer that we will all still love and serve God, even if. . . . .

My Plans, His Direction

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

I have spent most of my life wondering what God's plan was for my life. I've prayed about it, thought about it, sang about it, and ended up frustrated by it. A friend of mine is always saying she's waiting for a neon sign telling her exactly what she needs to do next, and we've decided we are probably not going to get it. I always feel like I am somehow missing the boat; I should have done what I did not do and shouldn't have done what I did. When I read these verses in Proverbs, I realize I'm doing exactly what God wants me to do. He wants me to plan and acknowledge Him, and he will direct me as I go. I always like to look up the definitions of words to help me fully understand a concept and Webster's tells me that a plan is a "detailed proposal for doing or achieving something; an intention or decision about what one is going to do." On the other hand, direction is "a course along which someone or something moves, or which leads to a destination; a point to or from which a person or thing moves or faces; the action of directing or managing people." A plan is a intention, and direction is actually moving from point A to point B. The problem is that when my plan doesn't transport me from point A to point B, but instead it transports me to point C, I immediately think I was wrong to plan that to begin with.

Last year, I felt that God wanted me to apply to Law school. It was not something I took lightly. I prayed about it, argued with God, and finally surrendered and said "I'll do it." I went through the whole process which took lots of time and a little money, and I began to believe that it was all a possibility. When I got my rejection letter, one part of me knew it was going to happen, but the other part said "God, why did you want me to do this?" "Did I hear you wrong?" I was confused and a little angry to be quite honest. I still have no answers, but have resigned myself to the fact that God doesn't have to explain himself. He is God and he will direct me. Sometimes His direction seems confusing and I feel like I'm lost, but He says that if I trust Him he SHALL direct my paths. Many days I feel like I'm wandering in the wilderness, but I think "Canaan land is just in sight."

I've Not Forgotten

I know it's been a while since I've blogged, but I've been teaching Vacation Bible School. At night I have to work on the slide show, and prepare for the next day. I've been very busy at work too; therefore, I'm just rushing from one thing to the next. While I'm typing this, I am making Compact Discs of the music for all the kiddos at VBS to have on Friday. I promise to blog again this weekend and also share pictures of my class at VBS. In the meantime, if you need to read an inspirational blog, you may go to my Uncle Clayton's blog--there is a link to it on my page. He is a Southern Baptist preacher in Texarkana, and he is also more faithful at blogging than I am.

Longing for Home

Most everyone has probably been on a trip and felt that longing to go back home. This weekend we went camping on the beach–in a tent. I’ve stayed at Holly Beach, Louisiana, before in March and October, and it was very pleasant. This was my first time to experience the beach in July. In the summer, there are mosquitoes big enough to carry me off and with the 50 bites that I received–they nearly did. There is also sand everywhere (obviously, it is a beach), and when you are in a tent, you have sand in your bed. Bathing is also problem when you are camping on the beach. Needless to say, I was very ready to come home on Monday. I wanted a shower, my bed, and I did not want any more bug bites. As nice as the beach is with its endless sand, sounds of crashing waves, and beautiful sunrises, I longed for home.

When I was a kid, I remember older people speaking longingly about heaven and how they wished Jesus would come back tonight. They always ended every plan with the phrase "if the Lord doesn’t come back, this is what I will do." I never completely understood this sentiment. I always rather wanted Jesus to wait a little while, for I was quite comfortable where I was. It has only been in the past couple of years, that I’ve come to understand the feeling of longing for a home that I’ve never been to. I’ve also realized that I never longed for it before because I was too comfortable in this world. The more I’ve tried to learn about Him, the more I feel at odds with this world, and realize I am a foreigner. I believe that Jesus has work for me to do here on this earth or He wouldn’t leave me here, but I’ve come to understand that this world is not all I have. I no longer have just a knowledge of heaven, but I truly feel that I have a hope of a better day coming. I’m yearning for that day when the trials and stresses of this life will be ended, and we can all be together as one big family.

The Intensity of His Love

"The Lord is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love." I have come across this phrase multiple times while reading about God's love, so I searched the Bible concordance for it. I have come up with at least 11 instances when this particular phrase is used. I decided to look up compassion to see what the difference was between it and love. Compassion is defined as a sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. In its latin form it means "to suffer with". God loves us so much that He suffers with us. I know you have hurt for someone before, it is a pain in the heart. Today we had to give away two puppies that someone dumped in the ditch outside our house. Hannah had fallen in love with these puppies, and she so dearly wanted to keep them. As she was crying from her heartbreak this morning she said, "it hurts so bad to give away something you love." I know that God's love for us is so much more intense than that. He created us--He knit us together in our mother's womb it says in Psalms. His compassion and love cause Him to be patient and slow to anger with us, and he wants us to be reassured of His great love for us.

He Will Not Desert You

"They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles you performed among them. They became stiff-necked and in their rebellion appointed a leader in order to return to their slavery. But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them." Nehemiah 9:17

I love this verse in Nehemiah which is referring to the children of Israel. They were always rebelling and turning away from God despite the mighty miracles they had seem Him perform, yet God forgave them, was compassionate, patient, and it says "you did not desert them." It almost sounds like Nehemiah feels that they should have been deserted, and human love would have given up on them. The reason God's love is so hard for us to understand is because it is unconditional. While God's blessings are conditional, His love is not. I think we sometimes confuse ourselves with God's blessings and God's love. While God may not always be at liberty to pour His blessings on us, He will always love us. It doesn't matter if we fail to do the right thing or fail to remember how he brought us through the last trial, He is always patient and loving. As much as I love my children, I cannot say that I am always abounding in patient love for them. It is so amazing that God's love is so great, so massive, that it will never run out, never end, never fail--He will never desert me!

The Love of God

I attend a bible study during the school year which is called Bible Study Fellowship (BSF). It is an interdenominational bible study that I have attended for 3 ½ years. In May, we finished our study of the book of Romans. While studying Romans, I found myself in a quandry, I began to doubt God’s love. I realized that I had never doubted His love for me before, nor I had I ever been afraid of God. I had doubted that other people loved me and feared their wrath, but I had never felt that God didn’t love me and want the very best for me. While studying Romans chapter 9, the verse (15) which says "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion" kept tormenting me. It almost had a flippant sound to it– as if he would do what He pleased and was not going to listen to us peons. I understand it is God’s prerogative whom He will love, but I had always felt that God loved everyone and was not out there picking and choosing who He would love. Also, in the book of Romans, Paul is determined to make sure you understand that you are a carnal, contemptible creature who does not deserve the love of God, but lucky for you, He has offered it anyway. I decided this summer, to counteract the book of Romans, I would start looking at the love of God. I want to really see what the Bible says about the love of God, and what the characteristics of His love are. In the next few days, I hope to share with you what I am learning and have noticed about his unfailing, enduring, and abounding love.

Calm Assurance

I do not think I actually know anyone who has been brave enough or crazy enough to bungee jump, but I can just imagine what it would feel like being on the other end of that piece of elastic. I know, just before I jumped, I would be shaking and have that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach that I sometimes get when I decide to ride a roller coaster or something equally inane. I would probably be breathing pretty shallow and thinking in short simple sentences like “Jesus, help me.” I will never forget going to Six Flags with Will and Andy. Will and I rode this ride that dropped us about 20 stories in two seconds. As we sat waiting to drop, Will was so scared that all he could do was pray over and over “Jesus, help me.” I think he also promised he would never do this again if He would safely remove him from the ride. I am afraid that I was not very supportive since I was laughing uproariously. I know in my life, depending on Jesus, is sometimes like bungee jumping or a thrill ride. I feel breathless and shaky with fear, but I’ve realized that I really do not have any other options. I just wish I could trust with calm assurance and faith, because I never breathe easy until the trial is past. I know he has always provided for me, but every time I stand at the precipice, about to jump, my heart feels faint and my legs feel weak.

I’ve decided that the secret to calm assurance is understanding His love for me. In Psalms 103 it speaks of His great love for us, and tells us in verse 10 that “He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” It also says in verse 5 that he “satisfies your desires with good things.” We also know that he loved us so much that he died for us, and we can also rest in the knowledge that His love does not abandon in the time of need for he said "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6). I would rather my life be more like the Log Flume ride which is calm, relaxing, with a little bit of excitment thrown in, but it is normally more like the Roaring Tornoado. Sometimes I just have to stop and tell myself "Jesus loves you and he has always been faithful to provide--so just breathe!"

A New Day

Recently, I became familiar with the world of blogging, and I found it to be quite exciting. I can publish whatever I want on the internet for free. At first, I thought I would start debates, offer helpful hints, and share new recipes, but the blog took on a whole different slant. It was more about encouraging and edifying than anything else. I also realized that in this world of many words, His words are what we need to hear more of. We have enough helpful hints, recipes, and debates of every kind. We really need to hear His words more than our own. As much as I would like to let you know my opinions, even more, I would like to share His opinions with you. I dedicate this blog to Him and pray that I can offer you hope and blessings by using His words and not my own.