Sunday, February 9, 2014

For the Love of Self

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” Carl Jung

If you could live in my head and listen to my thoughts, you would hear a lot of negativity directed at me. You would hear a lot of phrases berating me for stupid actions and needless words. If I mess up, you can be assured that I will be the first one to scold myself. I never thought this was a problem; it's just me and how I feel about me doesn’t hurt anyone else. Does it? It seems that my feelings for myself do affect others. I see some of my own attitudes and feelings being reflected in my daughter and it isn’t pretty. In an effort to be humble, I have become very self-obsessed. I tend to be too serious, and I am constantly afraid I may seem vain or self-promoting. This also causes me to do and say things that seem offensive to myself even more. I’m in a cycle of self-defeat.


I spent my whole life trying to encourage others and be all things to all people, but the years of constant castigation of myself have left me drained with nothing left to give. I saw someone post a tweet a week or so ago saying we must love ourselves because God instructed us to "love our neighbor as ourselves." (Matt 19:19) At first I brushed it off, but then I realized that I would never say the things to my neighbor that I say to myself. Not loving myself hasn’t made me a better person, it’s kept me from growing. It’s caused me to be infinitely insecure. So the question I have now is how to fix this. Should I buy some cheesy self-help book, stand in front of the mirror and repeat affirming things to myself, or give myself five compliments for every negative comment. The first thing I have done is admitted the problem. Yes, I do not love Tammie and it is a problem. Next, I am giving the problem to God and asking for His direction in the repair work.

Verse of the Day